‘Does keeping an ex’s belongings mean anything?’: SG woman upset over boyfriend keeping ex’s helmet

SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman felt rather uneasy after discovering that her boyfriend still keeps a motorcycle helmet that once belonged to his ex-girlfriend.

The woman explained on the r/asksg subreddit that her boyfriend enjoys riding and uses his motorcycle to get around. 

“He loves riding, and he uses it to commute from places to places. We’ve been together not too long ago, and recently when I went over to his house, I realised that he has a helmet that he previously bought for his ex-girlfriend for four years,” she wrote.

“That thing has been hanging there for X number of years, as he has broken up with her roughly three years ago.”

The helmet was not the only thing that bothered her. She also noticed that her boyfriend still has two Instagram posts featuring his ex, although the photos were taken during an event with his army friends.

“It was together with his army friends, so it’s like OCS ball night, dinner thingy.”

“I’m not sure whether he still keeps things that remind him of his ex or not, and even if I do ask, I don’t think he will tell me the truth…”

Seeking outside perspectives, she posed a candid question to the community: “Am I being sensitive or what, because I really dislike seeing that helmet in his room? This has been bothering me. I tried to forget it, but whenever I think of it, it just angers me a lot.”

‘Talk to your man and tell him how you feel’

While many Redditors understood why the woman might be overthinking the situation, they were quick to reassure her that it likely carries no deeper meaning.

“Here's some perspective from a now-old girly. The helmet itself would not concern me,” one wrote. 

“It was a gift, but it now belongs to him, and it is still a useful and probably expensive piece of riding equipment. Keeping it does not necessarily mean he is emotionally attached to his ex. The same goes for one or two old group photos from an OCS ball. Those are also memories of a particular stage of his life, not just of that relationship.”

Another shared a similar experience: “My bf’s ex bought him a really comfy shirt, and he really loved the shirt and always wore it when we had simple meals around the neighbourhood. I didn’t know it was a top given by his ex until he brought it up, but I was really cool with it because I really trusted him and he kept the top because it was so comfortable.”

A third added, “Sometimes, we just leave some things there without putting much thought into it. It is there; I cannot be bothered to touch it. If you feel uncomfortable seeing the item, talk to your man and tell him how you feel. It’s better than guessing or even asking the internet for their opinions, as some people just enjoy watching the world burn.”

Keeping an ex’s belongings does not always mean unresolved feelings

There can be several reasons why someone chooses to keep belongings associated with a former relationship.

For some people, such items may carry sentimental value or remind them of a particular period in their lives. Others may simply dislike throwing away things that are still useful, valuable, or in good condition.

An old gift can therefore have little to do with the person who originally bought it. Someone might continue using a watch, bag, piece of clothing, or, in this case, a motorcycle helmet because they like the item itself.

Janet Freindlich, a clinical social worker specialising in behavioural health and couples therapy, has argued that people should be allowed to maintain some autonomy over their personal possessions and decide what they want to keep from their past.

“It’s your life, it’s your box, it’s your past. Keep what you want, toss what you’d like,” she told Brides, a wedding publication based in the United States. 

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