'My parents say they'll disown me if I date non-Chinese girls' — SG college student asks, 'Why are they like this? What can I do?'

SINGAPORE: A Singaporean student’s simple desire to date outside his race has sparked an online firestorm — and exposed the quiet, uncomfortable truth about racial preferences, parental expectations, and cultural rigidity in modern-day Singapore. The anonymous SG boy, posting on Reddit r/SingaporeR, dropped this emotional revelation: “I have extremely racist parents! I’m Chinese and I wanted to go out with this Malay girl, but my parents crashed out. The same when I told them about an Indian girl. And then the same with a Thai girl. What is wrong with them? They are telling me that they will disown me… Is this the case for all parents? Why are they like this? What can I do?” The student, likely in his late teens or early 20s, is caught in a generational tug-of-war. On one side: Love, diversity, and the freedom to choose. On the other side: Deep-rooted prejudices disguised as "cultural compatibility" and "family harmony."

 “Just tell them you’re going out with ‘friends’...”

One Singaporean Redditor gave this sobering advice: “If you feel that their racism bothers you to a certain degree, where it prevents you from living your life, turn the tables, disown them instead… But for now [if you are still dependent on your parents and living in their house], then just keep it low-key and don’t engage too much in small talk with them.” Others suggested stealth-dating: “Maybe just don’t tell them who you’re dating… tell them you’re going out with ‘friends’.” In short: Lie low, bide your time, and when you’re independent enough — move out!

“Preference does not equate to racism...”

The post also triggered a philosophical debate. Some Singaporeans insisted it's not racism — just old-school thinking: “Preference does not equate to racism… They may believe Chinese girls are more compatible due to their own culture and upbringing.” But others just dropped the filter: “It’s the ugly truth, but I think it’s a tendency for Chinese parents not to like relationships with other races, unless it’s ang moh (white girl),” and added that “At one point, even bringing home a Han Chinese girl from China would trigger them.” The contradiction is glaring: A Caucasian partner is okay, but a Malay or Indian partner is a big no-no!

It's not just the race, it's also the religion, cultural, and societal pressures

More than a few commenters pointed out that religion may be the real red line for some families.

“Dating Malay girls has its risks — you will definitely be expected to convert to Islam…” one warned, while another reminded that, “You might be judged by a particular community and your future wife’s circle. So think twice unless you’re really ready to embrace another, whatever religion or race.”

One heartbreaking story came from a Singaporean who married someone their parents disapproved of — and got disowned: “My dad told me I will inherit nothing, it will all go to my brothers… Ten years later, my husband cheated. My mum said she saw it coming. My brother said I deserved it.” Another shared, “My friend got chased out of the house for dating an Indian girl — his parents didn’t want dark-skinned grandkids.”

So… what can the student do with his parents?

There isn’t a perfect answer. But one commentator just said it directly... “You gotta choose: Wife or parents. That’s just how it is.” And perhaps that’s the harshest truth Gen Z Singaporeans are reckoning with — love may be blind, but your parents aren’t. And sometimes, neither are their prejudices. So if you're young, dependent, and still stuck at home — stay safe, stay low-key. Build your independence, grow your resilience. And when you’re ready, love who you want. Not who you're told to. After all, you're the one who has to live — and die — with your choices.

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